Today has been one of those days wrought with all kinds of longing.
Maybe it’s letting sad, indie music play all day or just drinking a cup of tea all curled up in a blanket and pajamas. But today is just one of those days where nostalgia starts to eat at your heart and won’t stop; by the end of the day, you are left with a pain at once blissful and terrifying.
Nos-tal-gia noun – a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.
How come nostalgia eats at your soul the most? Taking strength from within you till you feel empty and alone and frightened…but not knowing why.
Like the ‘mean reds’ that Holly Golightly talks about. Where you get afraid all at once but don’t know what you’re afraid of; so instead of knowing how to fight your fear, you just pretend it’s not there and keep going about your day.
Why do we get nostalgia anyway? What purpose does it serve if not to make us more miserable?
Maybe we get nostalgia so we remember to call our moms every once in a while; or maybe it’s what makes good stories that we can tell our kids one day; maybe it just serves as a way to mark who we are as a person, to remind us where we came from and who we are.
Is there any good in nostalgia? Or does it just act as a way to pull us back into not living in the present by living in the past?
I don’t know. Sometimes I love slipping into a daydream of nostalgia….and then others it just fills me with a hurt that hurts so bad it starts to feel numb.
Maybe I’m just rambling, or maybe these confessions of the soul make sense to some of you.
Either way, I hope you get something out of this, because I sure didn’t….maybe in time.