It seems that for the past 2 and a half years, I’ve been in a creative rut. I thought that maybe I wasn’t motivated enough, that I just needed to work on being more focused. That getting a more organized work space would entice the creativity out of me. But for two and half years, none of it worked. I just resigned myself to think that I was just a lazy person and that I’d never be successful in my art.
Just recently I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression and the weight that was lifted off of my shoulders when she said, “No wonder you can’t get out of bed in the morning.” was monumental and for the first time, I felt like I could breathe.
Since then, I’ve felt a little more determined to get back into things. I’ll be starting anti-depressants soon and in the meantime, I can try really hard to be myself again. I’ve tried to be more involved in my life; I’m trying to make a conscious effort to be a photographer everyday (even if it is just with Instagram), to read more and Youtube less, to write and doodle and think. I’ve felt more alive.
If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: to live out loud. -Emile Zola
And that is exactly what I am trying to set out to do: to live my life and live it as loudly as I can. To not be held back by my own insecurities and fears; but to face those fears square on and overcome them. My resolution this year is to purposefully pursue the things I have to do that scare me; whether that’s taking wedding pictures of people I don’t know or overcoming my fear of the dark. I want to be known as a fearless person, one who knew fear but stood up to it and would not be overcome by it. Our life here is so short and we have been called to be a fearless people before we leave this earth; so shake yourself from those things that scare you. Look that fear in the eye , tell it your afraid, and then move on.