I have never been this alone in all my life.
Growing up, there was hardly a moment alone; with two younger sisters and my parents, I was surrounded by people who cared for me. There was always someone to talk to when I needed it.
Then I got married, and moved away, and started working from home and I’m alone all the time. (Well, except for Zelda the dog of course…)
It was like, life was so loud and crazy and chaotic and happy back home; and then silence.
There’s nothing wrong with silence, I’m just a person who is uneasy with silence. I like noise and hearing the life around me.
And now I’m alone with my thoughts every day. It drives me insane! A lot of times I try to drown out the silence with loud music and movies playing in the background.
But there are those times when I can turn everything off and I can be quiet and enjoy it. It’s something I’ve started to become good at; and in those moments when I can stand to be alone, there are so many things I learn.
I’ve learned a lot about me: the person I am and the person I aspire to be. There are some bad days; days where I get so caught up in hating the person I am and the stupid things I’ve done that I wind up depressed and unable to get out of bed.
But the good days are starting to outnumber the bad, which is a good thing.
It does make me feel accomplished though, that I can be alone with my thoughts on some days and not go crazy.
And that’s all I guess…..