On Dealing With A Snake

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon. It’s a work-around-the-house-all-day kind of day.

This little blueberry growing inside of me was making me winded and out of breath all day, so I stuck to attacking Dish Mountain that was taking residency in our sink and ironing the pile of clothes on top of the dryer.

All that standing took it out of me and I decided to take a quick break on the couch and finish up the book I was reading. The husband had been trying to change the oil in his car all day and kept running into hiccups along the way. So as I snuggled up to read for a little while, he was going outside to attempt one more thing before giving up.

He goes outside and almost immediately I hear shouting. Zelda jumps up from her bed and starts looking out the window barking.

I thought he was just talking to our next door neighbor over the fence; since Zelda thinks everyone who walks by our house is trying to kill us, I didn’t worry about it too much.

Until the husband opens the door with a worried look on his face, his eye obviously on something outside and he says,  “Come here….don’t let Zelda out, but come here, come look….”

I make my out of the blanket I was wrapped up in and step outside onto the front porch while the hubby closes the door behind me. He points to what he’s been staring at: a 4 foot long, copperhead snake slinking along the front of our house by the driveway………..extremely close to where the husband had been working on his car.

Phones were retrieved, pictures were taken, animal control was attempted to be reached all the while keeping an eye on the snake.

Now I grew up in the country, snakes were a very, very common experience in the summers out there. With over a hundred acres of woods behind our house, it was to be expected. And perhaps I’m an idiot, but snakes don’t scare me too bad.

I mean, of course I’d go into hysterics upon discovering I was inches from a venomous snake…but I can watch a snake from afar and not have my heart racing.

Everyone has a fear: mine happens to be demons and dark houses (no midnight snacks for me once all the lights have been turned off for the night!!) my husband’s fear is snakes.

The snake, under our scrutiny, slowly began inching its way to our porch. Underneath the brick stairs is a grate and I could tell that our little visitor was eyeing his escape from death.

I told the husband to go find a shovel until someone more experienced could deal with our new friend, that way if he got too close to escape we could try and do away with it.

The shovel was procured as the husband tried calling someone else to deal with our problem. And at this point, the snake has gone from being ten feet away from us to a mere three feet away. It was getting ever so close to the grate, so I handed the shovel to the husband and told him if he killed it I couldn’t watch. It was only trying to be a snake and hadn’t hurt anyone….yet.

I’m on the far end of the porch, watching the scene. I see the shovel in my husband’s hand, the pointed end aimed towards the neck of the snake; he takes a deep breath and I hear it slice into the ground.

“HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! BABY GET INSIDE!!!!” the husband shouts as he runs inside the house.

“I can’t, the door is right next to where the snake is! What happened?”

“I missed.”

“Is it still over there?”

He peeks his head around the door, over the edge of the porch, “I don’t think so, let me see…”

Heroically, he jumps off the porch into the front yard to get a better vantage point, “I don’t see it…” he says.

It was then we realized, the snake had escaped and was now curled up quietly and comfortably underneath our house.

 

All the excitement had left me out of breath again; I went inside to rest again just as a police car pulled up to the house.

The husband stayed outside to talk to the officer and ten minutes later returned inside saying that there was nothing he could do but the sweet police had checked around the rest of the house to make sure there were no more snakes.

The husband is now taking a breather playing Batman: Arkham City while I write this.

 

We survived our first dealings with a snake as homeowners….yay!!!

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