That Time There Was A Mess In My Brand New Car

My very first car I bought from my grandfather when I was 17. It was a 1994, forest green, Ford Explorer which I promptly dubbed, The Jolly Green Giant. This car was my baby.

It had so many quirks it was ridiculous! For example: to roll down the driver’s window you had to apply vigorous pressure to the glass while holding down the button to get it to actually roll down. The stereo couldn’t be turned up too loud on songs that had a lot of bass or the speaker might go out. To open the passenger side back door, you had to roll down the window and open it from the outside.

But this car carried me, my sisters and my friends on so many remarkable adventures. Oh the dance parties had in this car! It’s history and reputation were glorious! There was one time we (very illegally I might add!) crammed 8 people in all of its 5 seats. My sisters and a lot of their friends needed a ride to someone’s house and although they all had a ride home they did not have a ride to the house. So there’s me and one other person in the front, 4 girls double buckling in the 3 seats in the back and two girls huddled up in the trunk of my car.

There’s all laughing and squealing as we pile in still parked until I shout, “Listen up girls!” I gained their attention and silence, “I am not getting pulled over for this and you will not tell your parents about this until after we get you there are we understood?” I am met with nods, “Girls in the trunk, you will not sit up for anything, you are not supposed to exist right now. Girls in the back seat, if you see a cop one of you will duck your head and stay down until you’re told it’s safe to come back up.” you could have heard a pin drop, “I don’t want to be no fun here but there will be no dance parties or suspicious activity. What we’re doing here is not safe and definitely not legal and I really don’t feel like getting in trouble for it. So if you want to make it to your friend’s house tonight we will not be crazy okay?”

We made it in one piece without being pulled over I might add.

 

But my old car is not why I’m writing right now. My Jolly Green Giant died when I was about to turn 22. The husband and I were living in Auburn, 3 part time jobs between the two of us just trying to make it by while he finished up school. For a few months the car decided to not work and when it finally did start up one day we drove it to the shop and they told us it was basically on its last leg. Long story short; we fixed my car, sold it (telling the new owner of all its problems!) used the money to buy a somewhat newer car, and the car that I drove after that also was about to kick the bucket.

So when that car was about to die we decided to go look at some new cars; the husband works for an automotive plant and gets a pretty good employee discount on the vehicles. With that discount we were able to afford to get a brand, new car! I’d never driven a brand new car before and I felt like a queen. My car was beautiful and white and I loved it.

 

The first week I had it is the setting of this story–you know how much I love a good backstory to set up my real story!

So my sisters and one of my sis-in-laws came up to spend the night with me shortly after buying this car. And tradition for our sleepovers is a late night trip to Wal-Mart for snacks and shenanigans. After we’d finished terrorizing the poor employees at Wal-Mart, we’re driving back with all the windows down; music is blaring, laughter is constant and we’re incredibly hyped up on sugar and caffeine.

My youngest sister is in the front seat next to me drinking a bottled Starbucks drink. We were being silly and weird and swearing with weird accents. She had come up with a brilliant one, “You bersturd!” she shouted at me and we melted in a fit of giggles.

We’d just recovered from our laughter when I looked at her and said it again, “You bersturd!”

She had just taken a big gulp of her coffee drink as I shouted this to her and she started laughing. Of course now she was laughing so hard coffee was about to go spewing all over my brand new car! The desperation in her eyes as she tried to think of how to save my car was incredibly palpable.

Finally, she stuck her head out the window and spit it all out. During this whole ordeal, I was laughing so hard you could have seen abs forming on my stomach! She collapses back in her seat joining me in side-splitting laughter; and just as we think we haven’t laughed harder in our lives we hear this exclamation from the back seat:

“Eeww, what’s all this wet stuff?” my sister-in-law starts saying.

The two of us in the front seat are laughing so hard I start to seriously wonder if I’m about to get in a wreck! I can barely breathe and there are tears streaming out of my eyes. I’m laughing so hard I can’t speak; both me and my sister are trying to catch our breath enough to explain what had just happened but we cannot speak.

Meanwhile, my sister-in-law and middle sister are cluelessly continuing their conversation in the backseat;

“It’s not raining is it?” my middle sister asks.

“No! I was just sitting here and then I feel this wet stuff in my face. It’s like all over the head rest and stuff too.” my sister-in-law answers.

“That’s so weird!”

“Yeah, like, it’s sticky and stuff. Eeww, what is this stuff?!”

 

Finally, we catch our breath enough to inform them of what they had missed during their conversation. We all start laughing again and when we finally make it back home (alive and in one piece) my sister-in-law cleans the coffee off her face and out of her hair.

There was coffee all over the side of my white car and the headrest of the back seat. But at least it was still in one piece and was easily cleaned up.

 

Priorities right?

 

And that is the story of how there was a mess in my brand new car the same week we bought it!

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