To Clayton, From Mama

Dear Clayton,

You are very little right now, only two months, but despite being so little you already seem big to me. You’ve grown so much in the short two months I’ve known you.

You’re a pretty cool kid, and we’re only just beginning to be friends–I hope we’re best friends as you grow up and get older. Your dad and I have so many dreams of what you’re going to be like as you grow up, but most importantly we want you to grow up to be simply you. Not some image of what we imagined you to be, but one hundred percent, completely yourself.

That being said, there are so many things I wish for you. I hope I’m a good enough mother to be able to give these things to you as you grow up.

So my son, here are some things that I hope for your life:

– I hope you believe what I believe. I hope you have the assurance and faith that I’ve known since I was little; but mostly, I hope that you don’t feel afraid to question and talk to me about what you believe. I never want you to go along with what I believe because you’re afraid of what I’d think.

– I hope you get your parent’s wanderlust. I hope we can afford to take you all across this great, wide world we live in. I hope you have a gypsy heart that is not content to stay but thirsts to roam.

– I hope that you will stay curious and crave to learn more about the world.

– I hope that you learn how to be quiet and be present in the moment.

– I hope you have a crazy sense of adventure and a thirst for life. I hope that you will take life by the throat and refuse to let go. I hope you squeeze every last, glorious, shining moment out of every day. I hope that you will live unapologetically and never take a second for granted because this life is far too short. I hope you have many moments in your life that pull your heartstrings to their breaking point because it’s so beautiful.

– I hope that you won’t be afraid in the way that your parents are; you see, I’m sometimes afraid to open up to people for fear of being hurt. Your dad is afraid of what other people will think of him and that sometimes causes him to not do what he wants. I hope that you will learn to be brave and courageous in a way that we aren’t. I hope that you will never know that fear like we do.

– I hope that you love recklessly. This world can be cruel to those who wear their hearts on their sleeves but, oh sweet boy, how beautiful life is when you give your love freely. Or as I’ve heard it said,

“Throw kindness around like confetti.”

– But mostly, I hope that you will look to me as a friend and confidant. I hope that you will feel loved by me no matter what. Son, I will fail you horribly, there will be moments where I look back with such regret and I hope you can forgive me those moments. I hope you will think of me fondly when you’ve left and that we will be good parents to you.

– I hope you know that I love you forever.

With the biggest hugs and the most love,

Mama

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